Thursday, April 29, 2004

4 1/2 Hours

Right now, as I type, in the Student Union at the University, I am thriving on 4 1/2 hours of sleep... over the past two days... total (in fact, I'm so drained, that I at first spelled that word "todal," and it looked right for a second). Tales from a University student the week before finals.

Oh, and just now, a fire engine pulled up outside the Union. Crazy stuff happening. I hope nobody's hurt, and it doesn't cost our school lots of money. But mainly that nobody's hurt.

When my brain is so tired, it's hard to think of intriguing, critical, or even interesting things to type. So, instead, I'm going to direct you to something I wrote just before getting my 4 1/2 hours of sleep, a column published today. It's my last one of the semester (I'll be weekly next semester! alright alright alright). Here it is: http://www.dailynebraskan.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2004/04/29/4090eea4b4f57

alright I'll try this deep thinking thing: Consider what sleep is. It's some weird trance that we court every 18 hours or so. I love it. I miss it. But I wonder what it actually is. It seems to me that it's my brain shutting down to a slower, more relaxed mode. Is this true? I think it is. I still think it's cool that we get into a coma once a night (unless you're me... then it's once every other night... for 4 1/2 hours... grrrrr).

(the good news is that I got all my work done that I needed to get done. so, take THAT, schoolwork!)

alright, now for a quote:


"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep."--Fran Lebowitz

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

A Texas Easter and an Amazing Column (not by me)

I spent Easter weekend in Texas with my sister, her fiancée, and a friend of mine who made the trip. Man, it was awesome! We had such a blast. We saw a Texas Rangers baseball game in Arlington, we hung out at my sister's fiancée's dad's (whew!) house, we ate amazing food, and played video games alot. It wasn't rushed or anything. It was great and I can't wait to get back down there! What a blast. Thanks sis.

On another note, there's a great column in today's New York Times. It's about censoring teenage art, and it needs to be read. I'm going to post a link to it, here, but, in addition, I'm going to post the whole thing up here, just because it's that important.

(Oh, and I'm going to try to fix up this comments dealie. I didn't know it was out of service, and when I found out, I didn't have time to fix it. I'll do what I can. Hopefully they're working by the time you read this. Post!)

"[The Bill of Rights] is a document written by men who, like teenagers, knew their enemy intimately, and saw in themselves all the potential they possessed to one day become him. We tend to view idealism and cynicism as opposites, when in fact neither possesses any merit or power unless tempered by, fused with, the other. The Bill of Rights is the fruit of that kind of fusion; so is the teenage imagination."--Michael Chabon, from "Solitude and the Fortress of Youth" (below)

Solitude and the Fortresses of Youth
By MICHAEL CHABON

(Michael Chabon is the author of "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay," which won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction in 2001.)

Published: April 13, 2004

SAN FRANCISCO — Earlier this month my local paper, The San Francisco Chronicle, reported that a college student had been expelled from art school here for submitting a story "rife with gruesome details about sexual torture, dismemberment and bloodlust" to his creative writing class. The instructor, a poet named Jan Richman, subsequently found herself out of a job. The university chose not to explain its failure to renew Ms. Richman's contract, but she intimated that she was being punished for having set the tone for the class by assigning a well-regarded if disturbing short story by the MacArthur-winning novelist David Foster Wallace, "Girl with Curious Hair." Ms. Richman had been troubled enough by the student's work to report it to her superiors in the first place, in spite of the fact that it was not, according to the Chronicle, "the first serial-killer story she had read in her six semesters on the faculty at the Academy of Art University."

Homicide inspectors were called in; a criminal profiler went to work on the student. The officers found no evidence of wrongdoing. The unnamed student had made no threat; his behavior was not considered suspicious. In the end, no criminal charges were brought.

In this regard, the San Francisco case differs from other incidents in California, and around the country, in which students, unlucky enough to have as literary precursor the Columbine mass-murderer Dylan Klebold, have found themselves expelled, even prosecuted and convicted on criminal charges, because of the violence depicted in their stories and poems. The threat posed by these prosecutions to civil liberties, to the First Amendment rights of our young people, is grave enough. But as a writer, a parent and a former teenager, I see the workings of something more iniquitous: not merely the denial of teenagers' rights in the name of their own protection, but the denial of their humanity in the name of preserving their innocence.

It is in the nature of a teenager to want to destroy. The destructive impulse is universal among children of all ages, rises to a peak of vividness, ingenuity and fascination in adolescence, and thereafter never entirely goes away. Violence and hatred, and the fear of our own inability to control them in ourselves, are a fundamental part of our birthright, along with altruism, creativity, tenderness, pity and love. It therefore requires an immense act of hypocrisy to stigmatize our young adults and teenagers as agents of deviance and disorder. It requires a policy of dishonesty about and blindness to our own histories, as a species, as a nation, and as individuals who were troubled as teenagers, and who will always be troubled, by the same dark impulses. It also requires that favorite tool of the hypocritical, dishonest and fearful: the suppression of constitutional rights.

We justly celebrate the ideals enshrined in the Bill of Rights, but it is also a profoundly disillusioned document, in the best sense of that adjective. It stipulates all the worst impulses of humanity: toward repression, brutality, intolerance and fear. It couples an unbridled faith in the individual human being, redeemed time and again by his or her singular capacity for tenderness, pity and all the rest, with a profound disenchantment about groups of human beings acting as governments, court systems, armies, state religions and bureaucracies, unchecked by the sting of individual conscience and only belatedly if ever capable of anything resembling redemption.

In this light the Bill of Rights can be read as a classic expression of the teenage spirit: a powerful imagination reacting to a history of overwhelming institutional repression, hypocrisy, chicanery and weakness. It is a document written by men who, like teenagers, knew their enemy intimately, and saw in themselves all the potential they possessed to one day become him. We tend to view idealism and cynicism as opposites, when in fact neither possesses any merit or power unless tempered by, fused with, the other. The Bill of Rights is the fruit of that kind of fusion; so is the teenage imagination.

The imagination of teenagers is often — I'm tempted to say always — the only sure capital they possess apart from the love of their parents, which is a force far beyond their capacity to comprehend or control. During my own adolescence, my imagination, the kingdom inside my own skull, was my sole source of refuge, my fortress of solitude, at times my prison. But a fortress requires a constant line of supply; those who take refuge in attics and cellars require the unceasing aid of confederates; prisoners need advocates, escape plans, or simply a window that gives onto the sky.

Like all teenagers, I provisioned my garrison with art: books, movies, music, comic books, television, role-playing games. My secret confederates were the works of Monty Python, H. P. Lovecraft, the cartoonist Vaughan Bodé, and the Ramones, among many others; they kept me watered and fed. They baked files into cakes and, on occasion, for a wondrous moment, made the walls of my prison disappear. Given their nature as human creations, as artifacts and devices of human nature, some of the provisions I consumed were bound to be of a dark, violent, even bloody and horrifying nature; otherwise I would not have cared for them. Tales and displays of violence, blood and horror rang true, answered a need, on some deep, angry level that maybe only those with scant power or capital, regardless of their age, can understand.

It was not long before I began to write: stories, poems, snatches of autobiographical jazz. Often I imitated the work of my confederates: stories of human beings in the most extreme situations and states of emotion — horror stories; accounts of madness and despair. In part — let's say in large part, if that's what it takes to entitle the writings of teenagers to unqualified protection under the First Amendment — this was about expression. I was writing what I felt, what I believed, wished for, raged against, hoped and dreaded. But the main reason I wrote stories — and the reason that I keep on writing them today — was not to express myself. I started to write because once it had been nourished, stoked and liberated by those secret confederates, I could not hold back the force of my imagination. I had been freed, and I felt that it was now up to me to do the same for somebody else, somewhere, trapped in his or her own lonely tower.

We don't want teenagers to write violent poems, horrifying stories, explicit lyrics and rhymes; they're ugly, in precisely the way that we are ugly, and out of protectiveness and hypocrisy, even out of pity and love and tenderness, we try to force young people to be innocent of everything but the effects of that ugliness. And so we censor the art they consume and produce, and prosecute and suspend and expel them, and when, once in a great while, a teenager reaches for an easy gun and shoots somebody or himself, we tell ourselves that if we had only censored his journals and curtailed his music and video games, that awful burst of final ugliness could surely have been prevented. As if art caused the ugliness, when of course all it can ever do is reflect and, perhaps, attempt to explain it.

Let teenagers languish, therefore, in their sense of isolation, without outlet or nourishment, bereft of the only thing that makes it all bearable: knowing that somebody else has felt the way that you feel, has faced it, run from it, rued it, lamented it and transformed it into art; has been there, and returned, and lived, for the only good reason we have: to tell the tale. How confident we shall be, once we have done this, of never encountering the ugliness again! How happy our children will be, and how brave, and how safe!


Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Fire Hazard

Alright, 3 things:

1) I recently found out that I've been promoted (er... sorta, I guess) to a weekly position on the Opinion page of the Daily Nebraskan, effective next semester. This means more money, but more importantly, it means I'll be able to write more often, and I'll be published on the same day every week (which day is yet to be determined). This makes me really happy, as I really enjoy writing for the paper, and appreciate the feedback and criticism, however insulting. It means someone read it and was impassioned enough to swear at me, and that's cool.

2) Also, I've been awarded a grant from Pepsico (I know I know... but I'm strapped for cash and plan on paying student loans until well into my 30s... gotta get what's offered to me for now) to study with a renowned professor. The topic I'm going to be reserching will be Human Rights in Comparative Foreign Policy... essentially, comparing how human rights play into foreign policy in countries like China, the Netherlands, Great Britain, Spain, the USA, maybe France, etc. and compare them all. I'll be earning a $2000 grant via the UCARE (Undergraduate Creative Activites and Research Experiences) program, something I totally endorse (at least right now).

3) I was recently elected (appointed?) co-President of my student chapter of Amnesty International for next year. I'm pretty excited. It will provide me with all kinds of opportunity to raise human rights awareness on campus. Should be a good year, for sure.

And that's what's up with me.

Quick observation: I was walking back from my Amnesty International meeting tonight, and there were two people in front of me and one walking behind me. At one point, all three of them were talking on the phone. I didn't have my phone with me, but I'd like to think that, had I been carrying it on me, I wouldn't be on the phone. I don't know why, but that kinda creeped me out. I was just thinking about how weird it would be for our ancestors (them being homo erectus and so on) to see us walking around, holding man-made devices, ooging and grunting into them.

Probably just as weird as it would be if they saw us staring at a screen and punching a bunch of keys.

Man, we primates have come a long way, huh?

Oh, and my room's a mess. Time to clean it, for it's a terrible fire hazard.*

*Note: This does not actually mean I'm going to clean my room. Though I should.

"The evolution of the brain not only overshot the needs of prehistoric man, it is the only example of evolution providing a species with an organ which it does not know how to use."--Arthur Koestler

Friday, April 02, 2004

High School, Column, and a Transman

Wuttup:

I was cleaning out my list-serv email box (it's the hotmail account where I receive mailing-list stuff, like The Onion, Amnesty International, United for Peace and Justice, etc... this way personal mail doesn't get mixed in. a good system if you ask me) and I found a 3-week old Amnesty International "Plugged In" issue regarding the opening of Amnesty International Human Rights High School in Brooklyn in fall 2004. I think it's a great idea, and I think they're going to do it well. I don't know if it will be public or private (my guess is private), or how expensive it will be, but I think it would be wicked awesome. Check this link to learn more about it: Human Rights High

Got a column in today's paper. There was a mix-up in the schedule and a vacancy, plus I had something on my mind, so I banged a piece out and they ran it. It's about something that's been bugging me for about a month now, at least: Taxes. I support having a tax system, as I think it's important for the government to have some money in order to better serve its citizens. I'm not upset at how much I had to pay ($13). I'm upset because that money is being spent on things I don't agree with, things I would never support on my own. So... check it. Here (if the link doesn't work, go to www.dailynebraskan.com and search for my name. (Pre-warning: I'm a pacifist)

Last night I saw a man present about the 'T' in GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender). He's a deaf transman (that means he was born as a female, and transitioned to becoming biologically male) and he's incredibly smart, sincere, compassionate, and funny. The presentation was enlightening, to say the least. He and his wife ("homoqueers" was the term they used to describe their sexual orientation, something I got a kick out of) touched on issues such as orientation, community, the difference between transgender and transsexual, the difficulty of transitioning, medical procedures, which communities received the change well, how we can be transgender/transsexual advocates in everyday life, the terrible bias against transgender and transsexual people, etc. It was an interesting presentation, complete with a PowerPoint presentation, and I can't think of a better way that I could have spent 2 hours last night.

In any case, I need to get going. Happy Friday. Stay cool.

OH! And a happy belated birthday to my friend Monique! She's back east and I don't get to talk to her much, but, if you're reading this Monique, I hope your birthday was awesome and I wish you the best of years.

"When I was four years old they tried to test my IQ, they showed me this picture of three oranges and a pear. They asked me which one is different and does not belong, they taught me different was wrong."--Ani Difranco